BEING ONESELF

I've noticed that the people who are able to take advantage of the teachings the most are those who aren't inhibited about being true to themselves -- to the way Being manifests through them, including how they think.  When someone begins a question with,"So-and-so says that this is true.  What do you think, Adya [or whoever the teacher is]?" I know that person isn't looking inside.  Because it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about anything, but especially not about awakening.  The only thing that matters is what the seeker himself or herself thinks or feels.  There are no "wrong" answers, only inauthentic ones.

I remember a satsang with Mary Winslow many years ago.  She was telling person after person that there really is no control over anything.  I kept thinking, "But that's not my subjective experience.  I don't think that's true."  Finally, she said it one more time and I raised my hand and said what I'd been thinking.  She said, "But you experience what you experience, and THEREIN LIES THE ENLIGHTENMENT."  Everything disappeared.  In fact, her words didn't even go into memory and I only know them because I later obtained a tape.

Now I could have held my tongue, thinking, "She's the teacher, so she must know."  Or I could have silently thought her wrong but said nothing.  But something in me said, "No, say what is true for you."  And I got rewarded big-time for my honesty.

The same, I think, is true of actions.  In the early days of my attendance at Adya's satsangs, I used to start crying about 15 minutes into the satsang and not stop until the end.  I didn't know why.  It wasn't anything in particular he said.  I experienced it as a kind of opening, although I'm sure lots of people thought it was weird.  One of his other students did the same thing, and I met her red eyes with mine sometimes after satsang.  But even if I had been alone in this, I wouldn't have put the brakes on my tears.  The opening needed to happen, and I only knew what was needed; if it looked crazy from the outside, so be it.

Being oneself is the alpha and omega of spiritual progress.  I think this is because, when we are not being ourselves, when we strive to do it "right" or to try to be accepted, we are divided, and that tension to maintain the lie stops us from going deeper.